What Is Success?

The answer I keep finding is that success is however you define it. For a long time I strongly disagreed with that phrase. I believed that contentedness in life is up to each person to choose, but success is a less ambiguous measure.

Typical definitions I’ve heard associated with success have been very different: wealth, social circle growth, achievement of individual (yet socially acceptable) goals, work status.

But the idea with all of those definitions is that if those events result in a person feeling like they are successful, then that is when the person is successful. It is possible to achieve measures and not feel like any more successful than when you started. I think I now understand better why there really is no one measure of success (as frustrating as that lack of concreteness is to someone like me) and why each person gets to define success for themselves.

Lately I’ve decided to choose my own definition of success in life to be the achievement of greater patience. My goal is to never rattled by anything that happens.

Now that hard part will be to figure out how exactly to grow my patience…

 

That Fine Line Between Relaxing and Slacking Off

In my experience there is a fine line between relaxing to keep your sanity and just plain slacking off. My current routine is to come home from work and immediately start watching TV while eating.

I am not proud of this habit. The reason I keep doing it is because I feel overwhelmed from working and dealing with things I don’t particularly want to, and after giving so much of my energy I can’t summon any additional energy to do anything other than mindless consumption, physically and emotionally.

It’s possible if I had no choice and my lifestyle forced me to take different actions, I would eventually adapt and do things differently. But I am not willing to change that without a good reason. Unfortunately, this good reason is a very variable idea, which depends entirely on my world view at that moment. Which leads me to considering the advice that motivation isn’t what is actually needed, but self-discipline.

But – self-discipline only works if you can get yourself to believe that you need to do something because you need or want to get somewhere (even if it’s just to improve your self-discipline and self-control). If you are at a place where the world seems like a cesspool of unsolvable hardships, and you don’t want to participate in life anymore, then there’s some more serious issues that need to be looked at. Some may possibly require medical attention (and please don’t hesitate to seek help, life IS worth living), and some, like in my case, might stem from a lack of seeing any reason to do anything because my world view and understanding has been flipped upside down and reality no longer makes sense.

My personal philosophy, after a few years of life crises ranging from a change in my religious outlook, to recognizing my own physical and intellectual limitations, to searching for a sustainable spot in the hierarchy of the working world, is that I am a consciousness temporarily alive with an expiration date whether I like it or not. I am perceiving the universe around me, and while I am here and alive I can either: 1)Do my best to improve my surroundings, 2) Go with the flow, or 3) Make things worse around me. Of course, I am not a fixed variable, and I can and probably will do all three options no matter what (for example, I can help clean up a river and improve a situation, or put the cart back into its spot after I’m done shopping and maintain a situation, or cut someone off on the road and worsen a situation).

What has been especially freeing in my current life view is the realization that nothing is actually expected of me, the same way that nothing is expected of a fly or a cat. Of course, certain behaviors are natural and will happen, similar to the fly or cat, but this approach has helped me find some meaning in my own life. Because of my understanding that I am just another consciousness in the universe, and that I am self-aware enough to recognize that fact, I am then responsible for my actions, no matter what they are, and I can indeed control my behavior.

That’s where my question comes in next – for a self-aware, yet still emotionally and physically limited consciousness, where is the line where important, sanity preserving relaxation becomes excessive, gratifying laziness? I think the answer is different for each person, and for each time in their life. My answer to myself right now is don’t be too hard on yourself if you want to take it easier for a while, but try to remember that you are here only temporarily and if there’s anything you would like to accomplish or learn or experience, soon might be a good time to start.

 

Lazy, Low-Maintenance Girl’s Guide to Survival is 1 Year!

Last year about this time I finally decided to go for it and start a blog. I was planning to for a while, but fear and uncertainty and the feeling of not having anything worthwhile to share kept holding me back. Eventually though, I began to realize that the only way to get over those fears is to just plunge in!

My goal was to challenge myself to produce consistent content for at least one year. I started off the blog with a bang – posting something new every day for several weeks. Gradually though, I ran out of things to talk about and my posting frequency decreased to something more sustainable for me. I would love to post more often and am aiming to do just that! However, I am still learning so much about the world, people, and myself that it requires more processing time in between posts than I anticipated.

I’ve enjoyed having this blog thoroughly. Not just because I love writing and sharing what I discover and understand about the world around me, but also because of the fantastic content my phenomenal fellow bloggers share. I’ve learned so much by following a variety of people, and it has enriched my life much more than I could have imagined. I would encourage everyone who has thought about blogging even briefly to just jump in! It’s an incredible, fulfilling, diverse, and just overall wonderful experience. I am looking forward to many more blogging adventures, not just for me, but for all of us on our blogging journeys!

 

Survival Strategy #22 – Community

We humans are deeply social creatures, even those of us who are introverted. I am a mix of both introverted and extroverted traits – I need alone time and other people time almost equally. I do, however, love people. I enjoy spending time with others and listening to their experiences and perspectives, and in turn, I am able to replenish my energies and get motivated just by being around other humans that are stumbling through life just as I am.

Without an active community around us, I believe we tend to sink into a self-absorbed, idealistic thought process that eventually makes us feel very disappointed, disillusioned, and horribly lonely. Being surrounded by people can be a draining and challenging task sometimes, but thanks to our nature, it is also crucial to our mental and physical health thanks to the tricky blend of chemicals that our brains swim in, such as oxytocin.

A big part of maintaining our health and surviving in this crazy world is to compare ourselves to others and from these comparisons to adapt the best possible way of living that we can. Although comparing ourselves to others is usually a dangerous and not recommended way to live because we are all unique, being in a community means that you do have to compare yourself to the fellow humans surrounding you and assess if you are where you would like or feel you should be, and if not, what can you do differently to get there.

Sometimes, you can even rely on your fellow humans to help you in getting to where you would like to be. For example, you may be doing great and loving and accepting yourself and your unique gifts, but you have trouble maintaining healthy eating habits. To maintain your health you will need to compare yourself to others who are healthier and realize you need to work on your eating habits and get their support, because it will be better for you and help you survive better.

People help form and sculpt each other in the same way that scientists build on each other’s research instead of starting from scratch each time they work on something. Each human is valuable just by being alive, even if we might not feel like it all the time. Finding a community to fit into can be a daunting task, but it is absolutely a shared human need and most of us are actively looking. Don’t give up – we need you and what you intrinsically bring with you, whether your realize it or not!

 

 

 

 

Survival Strategy #21: Self-Perception

Self-perception is a tricky concept. It can either help us immensely when we’re working towards our goals or hurt our efforts. If we perceive ourselves with an accurate view of how we truly are, we will know what to work on to improve ourselves and what actions to take to get to where we want to be. But if our perception of our skills and personal abilities is skewed, we might end up working in a completely unhelpful direction because we aren’t aware enough of what our needs are.

The difficult part is in finding that balance in seeing ourselves how we truly are, without any undue pity or prideful extremes in our self-view. I find it easier to look for that balance when I’m trying to see myself through the perspective and abstractness of another person’s point of view.

As a very simple example, if I trip over the doorstep on my way into the room, to the people inside the room this is a very unexpected and potentially humorous event because adults don’t typically trip on doorsteps. Depending on the witnessing individuals’ personalities and social grace, they may either voice concern or laugh at the event.

No matter what their input, I will still immediately feel shame and embarrassment and continue feeling it whenever I think of that event, possibly for a long time afterwards too. But from the other people’s perspective,  they will express some form of feedback for a few minutes and go back to whatever they were doing, very soon forgetting the event – which is exactly what I would do if I watched someone else trip over the doorstep. Think of yourself the way you think of other people – you are just a human too, with all that potential, awesomeness, and humility.

Maybelline Foundation Review: Dream Matte Mousse

Following my previous failed foundation experience, I was very keen to get back into searching and experimenting. The next time I went to Target I picked up this foundation by Maybelline for $7.49. I was drawn in by its enticing “matte” phrasing on the cover, which I felt would get me more coverage than the dewey coverup I tried last time. The packaging was also sealed in this one, which I was very pleased about. Unfortunately though, because of that I couldn’t experiment with the color, but I figured a medium beige would be a safe start for me.

When I got home and got to opening the packaging, I was very happy that no tools were needed to cut the plastic wrapping off. It ripped off very quickly and cleanly and I was good to go!

I never used a mousse foundation before and I loved how dry yet smooth it went onto my skin. It was very easy to blend and covered my red and acne spots with medium to full coverage. The only issue was that this shade was too dark for me.

But! I found a workaround. I used the Covergirl foundation from my previous post as an overlay after I finished blending this foundation. I loved the results! I was able to get the lighter sheen from the Covergirl dewey coverup, while still having my problem areas covered with the matte mousse foundation. I also liked the contrast between the darker Maybelline foundation and the lighter Covergirl foundation – I felt like they balanced each other out.

I am happy to say that I believe I have found my new coverup routine – it’ll be a double effort from two different products, which old me would denounce as too much work, but I’m starting to see that in certain cases, it does pay off to give some extra effort!

 

 

Survival Strategy #20 – Mental Bandwidth

Bandwidth is defined as the energy or mental capacity required to deal with a situation. I was introduced to the concept of mental bandwidth a few years ago, and the simple analogy made a lot of sense and stuck with me. Although this concept has a lot of other names under which it is known, to me this particular term is very descriptive in the way that underlines both our limit and our capability to overcome this limit.

Like any physical muscle that requires a lot of exercise and proper nutrition to function at its best, our mental capacity or bandwidth requires as much, if not more, careful maintenance. Humans can be capable of incredible feats, but not without the proper groundwork or exercise beforehand.

However, an important idea to remember is that muscle growth and improved overall health benefits of the workout can’t be transferred from one person to another – everyone needs to put in the work for themselves. And just like with any good exercise regimen, it’s very important to take care of yourself and slowly increase your mental capability. You can and will be able to be where you want to be! Just not instantly.

Survival Strategy #19 – Calmness

In my observations so far of people that I think are not only surviving but actually thriving, one of the things that they all seem to have to in common is the ability to maintain a constantly calm attitude no matter what is going on internally or externally.

I still am not sure if this is an entirely learned behavior without a biological basis, but it is definitely awe-inspiring and something that I personally strive to achieve. Although it seems like a fairly basic idea, and over time it becomes more of a habit and gets easier, it still requires a lot of concentration once in a while. Lots of respect to all the amazingly calm people being beacons of hope and stability to the rest of us!

Survival Strategy #18 – Self-Acceptance

For me and my understanding of the world, the concepts between accepting our own faults and working on our own faults has been tricky. Something that I am still learning is that these two ideas aren’t mutually exclusive – in fact, they are helpful to each other.

In order to start the process of working on my faults, I’ve noticed that I first need to accept that fault about myself and get rid of the shame associated with my perception of it. Once I am able to distance myself from emotionally-charged actions regarding that fault, it’s easier to figure out ways to deal with it and not get as frustrated and discouraged when things don’t exactly go to plan (which is usually the case).

With most personal goals, it isn’t a simple, one or two step process to achieve them. Often there’s a success-fail effect, with an important learning experience at each end of that swing. I’ve found it very helpful to maintain such an approach and to accept that both experiences are very valuable and required in achieving the eventual upwards spiral. The more information and experience I have to work with, the easier it is to know what approach to take in a brand new situation or to take a more creative approach to the same fault that I’ve sucess-failed at multiple times already.

Survival Strategy #17 – Maintaining Self-Awareness

Possibly one of biggest challenges I’ve encountered in getting through life so far is maintaining self-awareness. It can get really difficult not to take criticisms personally, or to remember that our failures don’t define us, or to know what steps are necessary in getting out of a rut. Something that makes these challenges a little more manageable for me is maintaining a broader point of view of the world and how someone with my individual limitations, skills, and perspective can navigate through and be awesome.

An important step is to recognize that although we are all individuals that are unique and perfect in our own ways, we are no better or worse than other people in the world in terms of our abilities and what we present with ourselves. We still need to practice our various skills to get better at them, and what we expect from other people we need to provide towards them ourselves – such as respect and patience.

Another important step is to listen to what information you can gather from other people’s feedback on you or your behavior, directly or indirectly. Criticism from others can be very debilitating, especially if those people are close to us and we trust their opinions. However, it is important to remember that most people are not actively trying to destroy us – in fact, their criticisms towards us might even be overflowing from their extremely harsh self-evaluations and self-criticisms. Taking this knowledge as well as their feedback, whether positive or negative, can help us maintain self-awareness and help determine what might be a wiser course of action rather than if we get confined in defending ourselves or trying to prove that what was said is wrong or why we can’t do it.

What I personally find most helpful in keeping a steadier and calmer view of what I encounter is to think of myself as a good friend rather than to take things personally to myself. The reason this approach works for me is because I know all of my own limitations, hurts, experiences, positive traits, insecurities, and all the details of my life history. With a good friend, I might know a lot of these but not all, but with the information I do have, I will do my best to be kind and fair and helpful with whatever they’re going through. I will also try to encourage them to grow if I see them struggling with something that I can see is actively hurting them, rather than give up on that aspect. With myself, I may not be so strictly supportive but be inclined to allow some slack because of all the challenges I deal with that only I know about.

It’s important to be fair to yourself – be kind, but also be firm. Life is short and there’s only so much we can fit in with our time here  – let’s be awesome where we can!