Survival Strategy #19 – Calmness

In my observations so far of people that I think are not only surviving but actually thriving, one of the things that they all seem to have to in common is the ability to maintain a constantly calm attitude no matter what is going on internally or externally.

I still am not sure if this is an entirely learned behavior without a biological basis, but it is definitely awe-inspiring and something that I personally strive to achieve. Although it seems like a fairly basic idea, and over time it becomes more of a habit and gets easier, it still requires a lot of concentration once in a while. Lots of respect to all the amazingly calm people being beacons of hope and stability to the rest of us!

Survival Strategy #18 – Self-Acceptance

For me and my understanding of the world, the concepts between accepting our own faults and working on our own faults has been tricky. Something that I am still learning is that these two ideas aren’t mutually exclusive – in fact, they are helpful to each other.

In order to start the process of working on my faults, I’ve noticed that I first need to accept that fault about myself and get rid of the shame associated with my perception of it. Once I am able to distance myself from emotionally-charged actions regarding that fault, it’s easier to figure out ways to deal with it and not get as frustrated and discouraged when things don’t exactly go to plan (which is usually the case).

With most personal goals, it isn’t a simple, one or two step process to achieve them. Often there’s a success-fail effect, with an important learning experience at each end of that swing. I’ve found it very helpful to maintain such an approach and to accept that both experiences are very valuable and required in achieving the eventual upwards spiral. The more information and experience I have to work with, the easier it is to know what approach to take in a brand new situation or to take a more creative approach to the same fault that I’ve sucess-failed at multiple times already.

Survival Strategy #17 – Maintaining Self-Awareness

Possibly one of biggest challenges I’ve encountered in getting through life so far is maintaining self-awareness. It can get really difficult not to take criticisms personally, or to remember that our failures don’t define us, or to know what steps are necessary in getting out of a rut. Something that makes these challenges a little more manageable for me is maintaining a broader point of view of the world and how someone with my individual limitations, skills, and perspective can navigate through and be awesome.

An important step is to recognize that although we are all individuals that are unique and perfect in our own ways, we are no better or worse than other people in the world in terms of our abilities and what we present with ourselves. We still need to practice our various skills to get better at them, and what we expect from other people we need to provide towards them ourselves – such as respect and patience.

Another important step is to listen to what information you can gather from other people’s feedback on you or your behavior, directly or indirectly. Criticism from others can be very debilitating, especially if those people are close to us and we trust their opinions. However, it is important to remember that most people are not actively trying to destroy us – in fact, their criticisms towards us might even be overflowing from their extremely harsh self-evaluations and self-criticisms. Taking this knowledge as well as their feedback, whether positive or negative, can help us maintain self-awareness and help determine what might be a wiser course of action rather than if we get confined in defending ourselves or trying to prove that what was said is wrong or why we can’t do it.

What I personally find most helpful in keeping a steadier and calmer view of what I encounter is to think of myself as a good friend rather than to take things personally to myself. The reason this approach works for me is because I know all of my own limitations, hurts, experiences, positive traits, insecurities, and all the details of my life history. With a good friend, I might know a lot of these but not all, but with the information I do have, I will do my best to be kind and fair and helpful with whatever they’re going through. I will also try to encourage them to grow if I see them struggling with something that I can see is actively hurting them, rather than give up on that aspect. With myself, I may not be so strictly supportive but be inclined to allow some slack because of all the challenges I deal with that only I know about.

It’s important to be fair to yourself – be kind, but also be firm. Life is short and there’s only so much we can fit in with our time here  – let’s be awesome where we can!

Survival Strategy #14 – Compassion

Compassion for others helps you learn how to best care for the one human being you are required to care for as best you can at all times – yourself.